Oh what a miracle occurred today!! One of the miracles of ACIM is that you can actually start hearing what you are saying to yourself. Somebody commented on the beautiful “color” of my birkenstocks. I actually heard myself think”Oh they are just ugly birkenstocks!”. I asked myself, “Why did I think “ugly” birkenstocks. That is clearly a belief system. I think birkenstocks, I think “ugly” before anything else. Birkenstocks are clearly comfortable to my feet… the “Ugly” part is Mine!! So I just sat with that.
An entire “upset’ thread began to unravel ! I had memories of “wicked” fights with my mother over clothes and what was appropriate clothing for “young ladies”. Going shopping with the two of us was never much of a party. Then I flashed on my Mom dressing me up as a child. My mother was an expert seamstress and tailor. She made all of our clothes. She even made a particularly obnoxious red felt hat for me that I still can get wiggy about!!! She actually put elastic on it to come under my chin in order to keep it on my head! I am sure I was a surly child every time I wore that hat. Now with my Course Principles… I say…. It wasn’t the hat that made me feel that way. Then I heard my Mom… Whenever she dressed me there were a
bunch of rules I had to follow. Don’t get dirty, Don’t run, Act like a Lady, Keep Quiet, Sit Down, Keep this hat on your Head!, ect. It wasn’t the clothes I hated…. It was the rules that went along with them…. I felt as if I couldn’t be me… thinking about it now, my Mom just wanted to have her little girl have the benefit of “Good” clothes growing up. She was born into a poor family, and she wanted me to have a “leg Up”. Make my life better. We were on ships passing in the night! I just saw the limitations of the “good clothes”.
Now at age 60, I am able to see the world from walking on shoes that just make my feet comfortable…. I am working on being a “ruleless” woman. Imagine the miracles I will get to see outside of that box I put myself in. Stay tuned for more miracles!