I Am Centered in God, I Am Home

So I am continuing with a minor thought glitch from yesterday. Lisa gave us this during the lesson, ““If a sufficient number of people become truly miracle-minded quickly, the shortening process can be almost immeasurable. But it is essential that these individuals free themselves from fear sooner than would ordinarily be the case, because they MUST emerge from basic conflict it they are to bring peace to the minds of others.”-A Course in Miracles”

I See myself as one of these people… And there was conflict that came up last week….I thought I had cleared my end of it and it came up again when Nouk wrote, ” How do we abandon ourselves? Do we go on the defensive? Do we attack? Or do we retreat and people-please instead? ” What I did not admit to myself… People Pleasing brings up ‘attack’ thoughts for me. I want to crucify them… That is ALL Mine… So I sat with that with God and went deeper…. What was there… My Dad, the alcoholic, no problem identifying the problem. My Mom, the co dependent (victim), this was the trickier of the two relationships… Always was…(I spent years in therapy attempting to figure this one out). Getting She is Me… then the Healing had a chance. So when I am around people pleasers, my trigger is… there is no way to Love a Victim. It is impossible… The Idol of victimization is much bigger than God… and to be in this relationship, Appears as Hell to me. I wanted to Love Mom sooooo much…. However she was always sick… the closest I could get to her was to ‘take care’ of her…. which I did. So with that being said, I get that My issue is seeing them (Mom) as the receptacles for love… A very special relationship at best!!!!! The disconnect that is now coming around to be Healed, is that I felt the Need to Put my Love Out There…. Make some body else happy… And with love in the illusion, that is as good as it can get. The Best Life has to offer is a CoDependant relationship… a Special Relationship…So Now I sit with… I Just Embody the Love that I am…. No Need to give or receive anything!!… My Mom created illness as her default system. I ‘took care’ of her… as I felt was an expression of Love… I was mistaken… I kept her victimization in place… If she addressed hers, I would have to address Mine!!! So in essence… thank you Mom…. We were just attempting to clear our victimization by putting it on each other… I get the Love you are… and I get we have no need to continue this dance. I would rather play on the swings….. want to Join Me… So I continue to Sit with this in God’s Lap…. Thank you All for the opportunity to Clear!!! More will be revealed…… xoxoxoxoxox calicoxoxoxoxox