One of my Living Angels right now is Rev. Myron Jones. She writes beautiful Truth through her story. She uses her story as the palette for her True Path of Being One with God. The other day, she was sharing so directly from the heart about some lessons she has garnered from her alcoholic father. As I was reading her words…BLAM… that damned Monty Python Crystal Fairy Wand hit me behind my knees, again … starting to see it as Holy Spirit’s way of getting my attention… similar to the Zen Masters and those sticks they use to get a students attention…
Alcoholic father… I know that one well… I was born into a family with the classic ‘alcoholic’ attitude… Dad does not have a problem with alcohol… He is a frustrated angry Irishman and Mom is ‘sick’ all the time… her ‘hobby’ of sorts. Childhood was spent holding a Lie about all of it… I spent 18 years living it and lying about it…My childhood was ‘fine’ (read previous posts to see that belief dismantled!)….
Then I continued to explore the entire World of Alcoholism… my own, co dependency, adult children of alcoholics… the dissection process of a life lived with this lie… then an additional 20 years in therapy about it… I was never going to be like my father, the alcoholic!!
There was a time in est that was pivotal in turning this dysfunctional cycle of thinking around. It was my first foray into True Forgiveness… I was struggling with my relationship with my father… He was still alive at the time… I desperately wanted his love…
At this point in the illusion, our relationship was beyond strained. I would call my folks house, if he answered, he would hang up. My Mom would call me when he went to church every Sunday morning. I knew that it was not the relationship I wanted, and I was in a complete coma about how to change it.
I remember talking to the est leader… asking how was I to have a relationship with somebody that wanted nothing to do with me… I remember his ‘laughing’ eyes as he shared…”Then you are going to have to get creative, aren’t you!”!!!!
What the Fuck!!! Creative… Dad won’t take my calls… I was told to not come to their house… I was playing the Victim to the max!! So I sat with all of it… I did get creative… I committed to sending my Dad a card every month…. A card… written from an acknowledgment for having him as my father. Sharing little stories of humor that I remembered him being a part of… I sent him Love in that card every month.
The monthly cards I sent to my Dad, started out with me ‘forcing’ love. I knew I wanted to look at Dad differently… And the willingness I showed resulted in the monthly commitment to sending cards, containing only Loving thoughts. This process did occur as a miracle. I did quit making him wrong. A Miracle, according to ACIM, is our ability to Change our mind about a belief… I believed my Dad was wrong…I was willing to See him differently… I sent Love cards and eventually meant them.
About a year later, my Mom calls and said, “Your Dad is dying”. I was on a plane. When I arrived, he was unconscious. They were keeping him sedated as he kept going into DT’s… so I sat with him… I talked to him… I shared with him My Love for him bringing me into this world… I massaged him, I climbed in bed with him and held him…. We had no contact during the previous 10 years. I made up for it as best I could.
He passed a couple of days after I was there. During the aftermath, and helping my Mom readjust to life without Dad… I asked her…”What ever happened when he received those cards from me?”…. She said, “He never talked about them… He just replaced the previous month’s card with the new one on his night table.”….
I still tear up when I share this… I so got my Dad!!! He was unable to reach out to me, and he Received me with each of my cards…. He Received My Love… And I Receive His Love, every time I share this story… xoxo …
This was just prior to picking up my ACIM book and actually reading it instead of using it as a doorstop. Once again, More will be Revealed… xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox