My Dad, One Atonement (part 2)

 images-31So Looking at a story called, My Dad, I am aware of 18 years of living with alcoholism.  This was followed by a 20 year period of not drinking for fear of becoming my Dad, 20 years of therapy to deal with my feelings about my Dad, Groups, Books, Clinics, the list goes on… All of my efforts were based on one idol:  “I was never going to be like my Dad!!!”.  Then est allowed me my first big forgiveness opportunity.  I was able to get my responsibility in keeping the entire dysfunctional system in place.  I quit making my Dad wrong…

 And at some point in this Whole Process… I found myself loving a man I called Dad.  My belief that He was wrong, lost most of its’ punch…I was able to distinguish between his alcoholism and Dad, the man.  I was able to See my Dad’s fear.  I saw the beliefs that led to my Dad abusing alcohol.  He could never See himself as good enough.  These fears resulted in my Dad’s overuse of alcohol. Then I Saw my Self and how I have kept my self, fearing being not good enough. Clearing as I went…

 And now I am Seeing… there is a whole new level to take my thinking …

 In the world at large, alcohol is a tool.  Everything in the illusion we call life is a tool:  relationships, children, money, homes, toys, food, ect.  ‘Tools’ are here to assist us.  If we make the ‘tool’ more important than seeking God’s Love… we then start using the tool to punish ourselves.   The tool becomes a weapon… until we can turn around a downward spiral of Idols taking precedence over God.  It is an out of control thought system that has been hijacked by itself…

  Because of my father’s inability to acknowledge some of these deep unconscious fears, the tool called alcohol, began to control him. ‘My Dad and his alcoholism’ were tools that I created as a way of Seeing.   I remember thinking as a child… I will do whatever it takes, not to end up like Dad.  That was the motivation that allowed me to get to Forgiveness and eventually gratitude.

 I am grateful for my Dad.  I can no longer make addiction wrong.   Addiction is a projected fear of mine.  It is not Wrong.  It is but a mere block to Loves Presence.  For me, a life engaged in making Alcoholism anything but neutral is my personal lesson.  It is through the alcoholic story that I returned to God.  Thank God, Dad was an alcoholic.

 Finding some humor here, I can fantasize a life without an alcoholic father… I would have grown up, married, had 2.5 kids, probably a dog and cat.. lived in suburbia and probably would have started ‘drinking’…


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