My Mornings begin with Myron Jones. She sends out emails with different teachings from A Course in Miracles each morning…I often find myself generating off of her writings…so this morning’s read with Myron left me holding my breath. Literally, I found myself “holding my breath”. She was speaking of an Experience of God… Her excitement of that moment was electric and she searched for words to describe and the anticipation she felt to feel it again!!! As she kept searching for words, I started holding my breath in the anticipation of her finding words to speak to this Experience …
I was holding my breath as I read her ‘searching’ for something that cannot be described in words. It is the feeling of Knowing that water giggles and basks in the Love that it is while it babbles down a pebbly path. That Feeling of Oneness with the Water, the Laughter, the Love, the Pebbles and the Path…. And I was Holding my Breath…. That generated something for me…. God is Only this place of Peace. All Else is not God.
In the illusion, my lungs were suffering. It was revealed to me, by way of, my projecting congestion, shortness of breath and fever. Now all of these beliefs were supported by other beliefs that I held…I have cancer…it is probably ‘spread to the lungs’…I am in Hospice. I had a belief in my lungs, and the apparent suffering in them.
I have to be at conflict with God’s Mind if I am to feel an experience of “lung problems”. So the Search for the unconscious thoughts that hold this in place continues…
“Did the cancer spread to the lungs?” That was the last of the direct questions I asked in the ‘health care industry”. That was also the last of the ‘procedures’… This x-ray was not “completely clear”… there was to be another x-ray in two months that would either confirm nodules or not…. NOT! The next x-ray would either say Yes to more cancer or No…NO… I was done with the entire ‘health care industry’… I did not have insurance nor did I want to pay 30 percent of my income at the time to get it….or go in debt… I was to take another path… I am A Course in Miracles student/teacher. That is my path…And at the time… I felt more like I was ‘cliff jumping’ without a tether.
I am learning to clear all beliefs that involve apparent suffering. Why would I create suffering in any form!!!! I am in control of my Thoughts and I Choose to See as God Sees. I have the willingness to allow whatever must be uncovered that allows this thought process of suffering to continue.
I create suffering God does not. (My Lungs are suffering)… dig deeper… ask more questions… I am visually confirming my conflicted mind…. And I immediately want to slip into my further victimization by guilting myself… Making myself guilty for seeing cancer in the form of lung problems that embarrass me for creating this whole illusion in the first place….a deadly thought battle, at best!
So going back to basics, God is Love. All my projections are just the videos of how I see myself. I see suffering, therefore I suffer. Now this is NOT capable of coexisting in God’s Mind, One Mind, or Love!!!! I am a terrible Course quoter and a worse bible quoter… so here goes, “You cannot serve two Masters!!!” Fear and Love Cannot coexist… CANNOT!!!!!
So as I am ‘holding’ my breath with Myron…..I become willing to give it ALL to Experience GOD…I was laughing a while ago, when I was in the presence of a woman, that exclaimed…. “ALL I Want is to Awaken!!!!!”… and I thought to myself… I actually have the answer to that… Cancer and forclosure have been the fastest ways for Me… Not sure that was what she had in ‘mind’.
Another ‘Fast Way’ tip…(think I want to write a colomn!! lolol), we tend to hold “money” as an idol… Just Give away all of your money…. I GUARANTEE A SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE THAT WILL ALLOW YOU TO AWAKEN !!! Eckart Tolle, Ghandhi, Mandela, Dalai Lama, among countless others have have accessed enlightenment this way! This is probably one of the fastest ways there is…
Jumping off the cliff in order to find your wings… I am going to write my version…And having said that to myself… I ask my self, “Am I willing to put my lungs on the line… no kidding… Am I willing to Breath for Bliss Only for God Only…!! Then suffering in any form is impossible.
At the time in the illusion (Jan. – March 2013), I was having repeated bouts of pneumonia related to supposed cancer and I was not moving my body a lot. I did however, start each morning with me saying, “ God what miracles would you have me perform today?”. So when my friend, Lars, called me and asked…. “Let’s go up the mountain for a little walk”. I made all the obligatory, I can’t walk…., I don’t breath…, I’m embarrassed…all in my thoughts. The downward spiral ended when I just said, “Sure”.
Lars, being the amazing friend he is, kept saying, “We don’t even have to get out of the car.”… I am thinking, ‘yeah right, we loaded up my two dogs in the back… like we don ‘t have to get out and walk’.
In my ‘earlier’ years, I moved. That has not been my experience since getting diagnosed with cancer. So when Lars and I went to a favorite trail we both share at about 9,000. Feet, I was dubious. Before I tell the Truth… I Need just to Honor Lars…. We walked about 50 feet. I became scared that I would not be able to walk back… The dogs sniffed around while Lars and I shared some time, sitting on a log. So Lars took some pics on his phone and titled one picture, “Calico Levitating”… You have got to Love it!!!!
And I was into SEEING TRUTH. What was really going on, my lungs were on fire. I could not get my breath, my feet hurt, and I was truly thinking heart attack. Yet, Lars knew I was embarrassed about only going 50 feet… I have been up and down different parts of the Grand Canyon Many Times… so 50 feet. Yes, I was embarrassed. . I cried when I realized this and Never wanted to acknowledge it. I spoke a little to Lars about it down the mountain… but the Grief I was feeling was enourmous.. The loss of the vehicle I took for granted… The vehicle that for the most part has served me in the illusion… I saw the hole I had dug… Now it is time to fill it in…Without Doing Anything!
And, there was this feeling of Beautiful Peace. I relaxed into it. Then the Guidance was Clear…
If I wanted to dismantle a belief system called “Lungs not functioning”….This is how to do it! If I truly trusted God above all else, which is only Love, lungs would never occur as ‘not functioning’, or ‘suffering’. So here is where me, the bug, hits the windshield called, ‘lungs suffering’… or ‘lungs have cancer’… or “Why do I believe something is hurting me when I KNOW God is Not involved in that. Only my belief that I can Hurt, can hurt me”.
That part of my egoic mind that would rather me be dead instead of Lovingly Whole and Complete… This is my psychotic thinking that has only served to allow me to suffer in this illusion. I am Willing to have all that gets in the way of Seeing Clearly, be Revealed to Me and allow me to think differently about Everything.
So Playing with my thoughts around all this Lung/cancer belief, I take on what I like to refer to as “a game’. These are games I play with myself to push the limits of walls(boxes or beliefs). So this game went like this… What would I never expect or ask of somebody that had lung cancer? …My answer, “Don’t push yourself and have fun’. OK… So I will apparently start “pushing myself with God and still have fun”. That will be all the proof I need.
So with this commitment to Push these boundaries, I DREW A LINE IN THE SAND. I committed to walking the dogs every day for 1 circle of the dog park (1/3 of a mile). I had no idea of how to do this. I could walk a total of 100 feet… and I am going to commit to this… I must be crazy… but it is just one of the many silly games I have played with myself over the years… so why not… Besides… I made this commitment WITH GOD.
I know I am incapable of fulfilling this commitment by myself. God, however is waiting, and any time I challenge my beliefs with God…. Miracles result. Taking off yet another blindfold I placed over my eyes… I can see I have a belief. Then I can change my mind about it (take another blind fold off). The Miracle, I was able to change my mind to reestablish Peace….
This is what makes God smile…. And together we giggle all because I was able to turn my thoughts around. So walking at the dog park became my ‘Wonderland With God’. I Meet people with and Through God, Share Love, Dance and sing together… not only was it ‘effortless’…I still have some of my Most Inspirational Moments at the dog park.
God is always waiting and celebrating when I get another of the lessons I Give to my self. XOX