Graduating Hospice

images-17My Hospice Nurse and Social Worker, came by every two weeks to See me…. We laughed a lot and I would love sharing time with them…We talk about many things… and since I am a bit of a “one note’ with A Course in Miracles…. We often would share from there…

I was in Hospice for two years… yeah…. Two years… This Hospice took me on pro bono since I had no insurance, at the time of my diagnosis … There have been some bumps along the way… The Hospice I was involved with is a large Corporation.  So after about a year, my hospice Corporation ‘released me from care’…. They all have some rule that says… after 6 months (if you are on pro bono) and you have not passed… you will be released from care…. Except if you have insurance… and then… You can stay as long as you want….

So this wrinkle, at the time (1 year ago), disturbed me.  I spoke to my Hospice Doctor, Nurse, and Social Worker…They Took Me On… They were my Line in the sand against their Hospice Corporation…. It worked, the corp backed down.  I stayed in Hospice.

images-26One year later and it is at this point I am starting to question… “When do I graduate from Hospice”…I am getting Clear… and with that clarity… Hospice serves a particular function of which I am not participating at the moment, … I am not dying. 

I am also Seeing that I am incapable of suffering… death will come whenever… and NOT through suffering nor cancer.  God is Love and I choose only to use my God Mind (my favorite mantra these days).  I can be nothing but LOVE.  And Seeing only through my God Mind… Love can only reflect a Healed Body…Love cannot reflect something that it is not!  So ………what fear am I holding in place that is not “graduating myself’ from Hospice?

My Nurse asked me the other day, ”Now that you have Medicare, we could run a cat scan and see if cancer still exists”.  We, all of us including me, are all starting to think…there can’t be cancer, there appears to be more Aliveness, this does not appear to be following the Hospice path…

So Today I sat with my Friend and Hospice Doctor, (names are withheld to protect the innocent)… We had a ‘no shit Charlie” kind of conversation… I am so Clear that God was using her lips…  We shared about all of my Healing activities… and about my ‘fears’ of graduating Hospice…

Removing myself from Hospice could inform the government that I am not dying fast enough and was dropped from hospice…Will I be pulled from disability (they are giving me early access to my retirement money because of a ‘terminal’ diagnosis)… will they say…”You will have to wait five more years to continue receiving it because you are not dying… “  Will I continue to get coverage from Medicare (insurance given to me because of being on disability)…again…will I be dropped from receiving early Medicare…All of these are just fears…not real…yet when I think them…they occur very real!!!!  what is next… ALL FEARING ANY OF IT IS RIDICULOUS!  Yet, standing at the cliff edge, Am I going to Trust that God installed wings for me to fly?!!!!

There was a time in the US, that persons diagnosed with Aids, went from being ‘terminal’ to ‘surviving’… I remember friends going through this transition of mind… The so called “terminal” belief had to change…And I saw folks struggle to make the transition back to Life after seeing themselves ‘terminal’…

images-27Graduating hospice occurs for me in a similar way… There is one difference… I have no interest in graduating back to ‘surviving’… I am graduating into a state of Grace that is My Birthright.  From a dying conversation, graduating to Life apart from the illusion…

So I find myself there, now…

I have not run any test since all the tests were performed with and during the surgery in 2011.    I opted out of the suggested treatments… I entered Hospice instead and started drinking coffee… Life was good… and I sat down on the Titanic deck chair to wait for ‘the end’.

Well, God is still chuckling over that one… In hindsight, I can see how the events in my life, foreclosure, changing relationships, career, drama, financial collapse, did I say drama… I was exhausted when I finally signed into Hospice… I was ready to be put on ‘ice’ for awhile… Actually, I just needed a little down time… And after two years… I am ready to come back out and play… Wanting to Re engage with a New Existance… A Whole New Reality through God’s Eyes.

Now this does come with some responsibility… Everything that occurs in my field of vision  is MINE… Period… Mine to ignore or embrace.  Mine to suffer or Celebrate… And I Kneel before all my funky thoughts… they are just reminders of how I am looking at my world.

images-41So back to the illusion and graduating Hospice… I met with my Nurse the other day and I now have Medicare (insurance), and she mentioned that we could run a CAT scan and check on the status of cancer… I have insurance so I could now run Tests… Tests… Testing for what… With a very short hesitation… I said ‘no’.  Right now, I am confident in all the choices I am making…

There is still some occasional lung suffering… and that appears to be controlled by my thoughts.  As soon as I recognized lung suffering… that is my red flag to address some funky thought that is occurring… They are not usually Big… Just funky thoughts; thoughts that need some correction through sane thinking.  After clearing a thought, my breathing appears to NOT suffer… so allowing the illusion (by getting more tests to prove anything) is to allow the illusion to take control of my ‘lung suffering’.  I would use the tests to either prove or disprove cancer.  The tests could only give fear… If the tests come back negative, there is no cancer… then I will be given an appointment out into the future to “test again”.  Keeping me trapped by my belief that ‘they’ know something.   This information does not occur as something that would be helpful. 

Insurance, financial security, tests, treatments, hospice, ect… All safety nets… All put in place to manage fear… I am Clear when thinking with my God Mind.. I need no safety net… So my decision is to leave Hospice.

My Breath is handled by God… I use it only as my ‘Awareness to correct my thinking in some way.  I am Clearing all thoughts about my body having cancer, fill in your favorite form of judgment  (cancer, chubby thighs, headaches, fatigue).   These judgments are just thoughts that I used to abuse myself…abuse my body… I Choose to See through the Eyes of God… And the access to this choice is through forgiving my abuse thoughts.  Then identifying the underlying belief structures that allowed the abuse thought to get a hold of my thinking in the first place!  If I am truly looking through God’s Eyes, I can only See a Healed body … This is ACIM. 

Actually, I should say, this is the interpretation of ACIM according to many Teachers I am using at this point… Lisa Natoli, Nouk Sanchez, David Hoffmeister, Jayem, John Mark Stroud, and Rev Myron Jones.  These are the current Teachers I am using for a Non Metaphorical Approach to ACIM.  This is not a class in ‘sugar coating shit’… this is a course in Embracing what appears to be Raw Sewage… Get MY lesson… Atone, Forgive, Return to Love… The Miracle is ‘as I Change My Mind’, I can See, apparent sewage… turns into Cream Puffs…

This is about correcting my delusional Thinking and Healing occurs… Not like Christian Science… I am Not  Praying To God for health…. That is delusional thinking… God did not create lack of Health or cancer…I did…I am praying to have the Blocks that I have put in place that created cancer, to have them continue to surface as fast as I am Willing, so that I can correct my thinking.  This is my insurance policy these days!!! 

images-24So I had the opportunity to meet with my Hospice Doctor… I just need to express my deep Love for her.  She is a True Physician that is able to see past the ‘science’…I have shared with her extensively about my ACIM path…and when I was saying… I am wanting to graduate hospice… She Heard me… and pointed some things out…

She suggested setting a date.  I was dragging my feet saying, “Next spring… I want to get thru the winter (not my best time historically)… and then BLAM… yeah Monty Python’s 10 foot fairy wand knocks me again… If I am to Trust God…No Kidding… I need to hold myself to account… When … I put it far out in time… again,… another safety net..  This is about No Safety Nets.

So having mentioned needing to Trust God’s Insurance Policy… Yes, I will be removing myself from Hospice… I am setting the day… I will be Graduating from Hospice to A Life Worth Living… November 15, 2013… the date is for the Hospice Corp… I am Clear..  I am soooo Healed… and soooo Held in Love…

So keep your silly insurance policies…I am Back in the Saddle, I Like to say… Head em up and Move em out…. We are on the road of Eternal Bliss…. Just need to stop for an occasional cup of coffee …  So I invite any Body that would Like to Celebrate Life with Me to go out and eat you favorite Decadance… Celebrate God…. Celebrate Breath… Celebrate Cream Puffs…

It is funny, about a year ago I started saying I was on God’s Payroll… Now I find I have Benefits!!!  It is all a delightful “thoughtfull” game… xoxoxoxox

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 thoughts on “Graduating Hospice

  1. Just sitting here eating a Toblerone my favorite chocolate bar and making a cup of coffee and listening to a beautiful version of Silent Night. Lovexxxxxxooo we are Blessed. Lloyd

    Sent from my iPad There is no life outside of Heaven.

    >

    Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s