A Dear Friend sent me a blog post from somebody, that spoke to her, of Our Friendship. We had some recent issues that resulted in an ‘unfriending’ on facebook…It raised some thoughts… so here is what was sent to me…
“You are not too much. You have never been too much. You will never be too much.
The very idea is preposterous. Because you were born to be you. All of you. Not a tiny acceptable sliver. Not a watered down version with colors dulled and edges softened.
No. You were meant to be every last pulsing-bleeding-loving-crying-feeling bit.
And if someone tells you that you are too much for them, the only truth you need to remember is this:
It is highly likely that they are not now, and never could have been, near enough for you.
Because you, my girl, are the sun and the moon and the stars. You are the force that pulls the tides. You are the unrestrained howl under a wide-open moon. You are the essence of what it is to dance into ecstasy. You are the heat and the sex and the sweat and the burn and soft and the grace and the grit and the ocean of tears.
You are all of everything.
You are the mother of us all and the daughter of the Universe.
You walk through shadows and light.
You burn down and rise up and hold captive the pulse of the world.
You make the gods tremble.
And that, my dear, is bound to make some people crazy uncomfortable. It will make them pull back and push away. Because the way you dance with your shadows and your steadfast commitment to your light will push them into spaces that are fascinating and compelling and utterly terrifying.
Your very being asks them to step into places they may not be near ready to visit, let alone stay.
Because like the depths of the ocean that calls you home, you will never be easy.
But darling, you were not brought here for easy. You are here for so much more.
Because you are a boundary-pusher.
You’re a truth-seeker.
You’re temptation and seduction and heat.
You’re a mirror and a sorcerer, and inside you swirls the power of the ancients.
So no, you are not easy.
But in the space of that truth, please also know this. Do not get this confused with the notion that you do not deserve the deepest ease.
Don’t, for a minute, let them convince you that you will not know the grace of a lover who does not require that you constantly translate yourself or diminish yourself or quiet your storm or tone down your extravagant love.
Because that, my girl, is bullshit.”
What this brought up for me… I Share with You…. I have Never Seen my self as ‘easy to be with’…. That is a beLIEf that I brought into my world early on.
Through the years, friends have come and gone… and through it all… I still consider “All My Friends”.
There was a month long clinic I did with a woman that wrote a book, “How not to live single”… There were about 20 of us in the group as we investigated the real reasons ‘we’ were single. It was a clinic that dug deep into an inquiry of ‘Who Am I and What Am I Wanting”….
We were all acquaintances in the community and so the clinic allowed us to Really get to Know one another. At the end of the clinic… The organizer (a est/forum seminar leader) went to each of us individually and just gave us a statement of what She Got from us….
When it came around to ‘my turn’… She looked at me and ‘laughed’… then she shared…”Calico… You are going to either show up as somebody’s Wildest Fantasy or Worst Nightmare!” !!! LOLOLOl
I Got this immediately. And, until a few years ago and with the help of acim, I have stopped making my self wrong for it. I have been both fantasy and nightmare… and with the Help of God… I have given up the ‘nightmare’… just living the ‘fantasy’ now… because at this juncture.. I totally get… I have Always Been Fantasy… ‘Nightmare’ was my small fearful ego mind. God always Knows only Truth…
I have had the opportunity to have, “long term relationships with friends’…I have lived in the same ‘small’ community for 30 years. During my career, I rented out a couple of rooms in my office. One tenant is a good friend of mine. AND, we had some difficulty communicating as landlord/tenant.
I vaguely remember when she stopped renting from me… that there were some issues over ‘utilities’… So I ran into her not too long ago and we had a Lovely chat… Our conversation included that period of time that we shared an office.
I initiated it by saying… “I am so sorry for my lack of good communication skills”…and she stopped me.
She Grabbed my hand and said, “Oh Honey… Your Communcation skills are PERFECT. I was just not used to somebody that ‘said what they meant’. “I Learned more from You than you will ever Know”…
So when I got the above post from My Friend… I was reminded of this… I am clear that ‘I’ apparently ‘trigger’ fear in ‘others’ , by addressing ‘my own fear’ publicly. And as I went to God with All of this I heard… ‘keep God Close…. Say what ever there is to say…stay “in Love” and do not take any of the ‘results’ personally’.
So Thank You My Friend for SEEING ME. And for Me…this is the Clearing I Needed to Release ‘my way of being’ as nothing less than completely Perfect. God has always Known this about me…. I just needed ‘time’ to See it for My Self… And With the Help of Friends… My Clearing Continues… All My Love My Belgian Angel… Thank You xoxoxo