My Mind is not ‘in here’ (me pointing to ‘my head)…

I needed an md’s signature on some thing… opportunity to Be with my md friend, Bill. He lives as a Buddhist… in the ‘delusional’ field of medicine… so We have some GREAT chats…

I knew in the horizontal world of medicine… he would need to verify ‘numbers’… as to ‘how I am or am not doing”….and I am so ‘beyond’ ‘any numbers’… lol… so prior to the appointment I played in ‘thought’, of how the conversation might go …

I wanted to have God Speaking on ‘My behalf’… and given… ‘talking about suffering’… (for ME)… is ‘making ‘suffering’ ‘real’… I do not want to ‘think’ physical symptoms, let alone ‘utter them out loud’… and I Certainly don’t want to know ‘my score’… lolol…

So… knowing he would probably have some ‘desire to know… how ‘I’ am ‘doing’… I Prayed a lot With God… Holy Spirit… Allow me to SHARE… With Bill… Honestly… and With Out Any Fear… so I was unwilling to share a ‘trauma/suffering’ kind of share.

I wanted to Share from Love… no ‘sypmtomatic’ shares. ‘symptomatic’ is ego.

So Off I Went… and I Shared the above, with Bill.  Him jotting some things down in ‘my chart’. He palpated… percussed… and tapped. Me, ‘coughing on demand’, breathing ‘deeply’… and the ‘form’, was all properly measured and weighed. The whole time… me Sharing how I am no long wanting to participate in ‘symptoms’…Lololo…

I just continued Sharing ‘this process called acim”… and getting Clearer ‘all the time’ with it… Every little thing goes to God… to Love… whew… the ‘Commitment’ is Total.

One of my student/teacher Friends, gave me a ‘koan’ of sorts that assisted ‘me’ Greatly. He said, “You really don’t take any prisoners”…

Whew… this One took me on a Journey between my mind and MY MIND.

My response at the time was ‘automatic’… and Lovingly TRUE… and yet… I boggled between my ego and My Love God m/Minds. ‘My response’ to the ‘fact’ that I do not ‘take prisoners’… , “No, of course NOT… why would ‘I Want’ to ‘take prisoners’.”

At the time… I did not see the Ego’s Listening of this phrase. Ego mind is telling me … “if you do not take prisoners… the only option is to Kill them/me off.” In ‘time of war’, ‘soldiers had two options… take them as prisoners… or to just kill ‘them/me’ off. I got the deviousness of my ‘seek and never find’ mind…

And that is ‘seen’ as a ‘the better thing to do” In Ego’s perspective… ‘take prisoners’, as that is the better option rather than ‘killing somebody(me)’ off… WHEW… I went back and forth on this…

My only ‘logical choice’ was to say ‘if it means that I don’t kill you… I will take you as a prisoner’…

Sounds and felt like a little like ‘we’ are Fucked either way scenario of ‘codependancy’.

The Truth… No… I do not ‘take prisoners’… AND I will Not Kill You/me Off… The Truth… Where can we find Love Together…

And ‘this process for me’… is ‘I stop every little icky thought’… many of ‘you’ have been present during ‘these moments’… ‘I’ tend to live fairly ‘transparent’.

Back to ‘my conversation with Bill’… I Shared with Him… all of this AND avoided Sharing ‘symptoms’.

Monkey-_MindI Shared ‘my inside outness and upside downess. And I hear myself utter these words in complete Truth… as I was pointing to my head… (the most revered organ of ‘form’, called ‘brain’… that runs the ‘form’ show)… I really Got this… I kept Pointing to my head…“My Mind is not ‘in here”… Bill Understood Completely.

images-12As we ended ‘our consult’… he grabbed my hand and said, “thank you for the Teaching of Mindfullness in Action”…

As he pulled back he said again… ‘This is Mindfullness’… not a word… but the ‘process’ of Mindfullness. I Just Smiled… the Most Peacefull trip to the ‘doctor’ ever…

Thank You God…

 

 

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