Monastery Diary – Six – It’s never about the painting…

I don’t’ need ‘to ask’ the dream anything. I Need to Trust the Dream… and with that Trust… Know that whatever I see and ‘think’… That is what I Trust and take that to Holy Spirit to See differently…

For me… beLIEving I had cancer… why?… because that is what ‘the doctor’s said.’… God was never involved with that conclusion… I turned to the Dream for the Truth.

God only Loves…

Cancer is some form of fear set up by an insane dream… and then… I follow all instructions from the dream… Eat this, chemo that, cut this out… all about ‘doing something in the dream’… I projected this attack. I created this Hell.

Not to ‘irritate’ any… and this might piss a few people off… cancer has been a Fabulous Dream to Turn back to God.

During my Major Meltdown here at the monastery… I saw… if I project cancer on anybody… if I Join With anybody with cancer… beLIEving that you have cancer.. or had cancer… I am in an insane ego controlled dream.

If I am projecting ‘fear’ in the form of cancer… on my self or you… I am projecting Fear. If I can not See MyInnocence… I cannot See Yours… AND there is no Love in fear. So I must Choose to See this Differently With God… This appears to be my moment by moment mantra.

Most in the illusion… Trust ‘doctors’ more than God.

I Know… As a doctor… I loved it when somebocy ‘followed instructions of how to ‘fix something’, that they were complaining about’. And over the years…at least the early years in practice,, I never mentioned going to God for advice… No… I saw ‘my advice was divinely inspired… and I was needed to give ‘voice’ to God.

Such Bullshit…There is No Need for ‘devine intervention’…that’s ego… or ‘psychic readings’… The answer is WITHIN… ONLY…

There is nothing out there to ‘inform me’… God’s Voice comes from Within… and how do I KNOW it is God’s Voice… There is never a suggestion to Correct outside of my thinking… I NEED TO SEE DIFFERNTLY AND CORRECT MY THINKING. Period.

God will never involve with the dream other than assising me to Change My Mind. God chuckles at the idea of changing the body. Why… ‘I AM PERFECT’ My ‘thinking’ on the other hand has many errors in interpretation.

Awakening is what ‘you think’… And any correction Must be done in Mind. Magic will only allow us to ‘linger longer in the insanity’… The only real question with any beLIEf… from cancer and foreclosures to needing to loose a few pounds. All have the same correction… and Linger No Longer. Why would I Choose to stay in ‘cancer’ Hell… or ‘need to loose a few pounds’ Hell…

I can already hear a small conversation by ego… “Yeah but what about a small child being abused… is this child asking for abuse?” I say… Stay in Your Own mind. I have two ways of ‘thinking’…One,‘I want to make this about abused children or animals’… os Two, “It is about my thinking”.

So with ‘my story of cancer and foreclosure’… God came and cleared something up for me… I don’t need to ‘think about abused animals or kids’… I am projecting cancer… onto my innocent child… me. So My forgiveness must come from forgiving my projection. I projected cancer…THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON OUT THERE!

So here at the monastery… There was an ANGEL… that I wash the feet of… During a moment of my madness…(I was breaking down)… She said, “Who would Calico be without her stories of cancer and foreclosure?”

AND, She is the One… that Heard My Cry for ‘Help’…in the ‘form of anger’…

And I asked God this… while bolting my feet to the f-cking floor… because all ‘I” wanted to do is make her wrong and bad…

and I KNEW… she was only saying what ‘I needed to hear’… She was my Perfect and Devine projection.

Now I will probably make a few brains go on scramble here … She was using ‘discernment’. I KNOW She Was Listening to the Voice for God… why? Because she was in the same monestary as I and going through the same process to Hear God. She was getting NOTHING from saying what she was prompted to say by Holy Spirit. And her discernment was really coming from Love ONLY. NOT a ‘I would Love it if you did x,y, or z.’

108016159751717533_1348687898Now in ‘others’ that we dream up… they are not necessarily the voice of God… During my ‘attack days’ as a ‘doctor’… My ‘voice’ was not the discerned voice for God. My ‘authority voice’ made suggestions to diet, exercise, herbs, vitamins,, gluten free… yada yada yada…’

The Voice of God… does not recommend things. The Voice of God points out where I am suffering and Where Love and forgiveness are necessary.

So I asked God… Why cancer and foreclosure? And God added Clarity…

“As a child when you had a nightmare… like a really scarey nightmare… You could ‘wake your self up to find yourself in the safety of your warm little bed.

For this dream you find your self in…’cancer and foreclosure’ were ‘really scarey’… and REALLY required only taking on Willingness to See only the Peace of God…

You control the dream…I Am waiting for You to Awake… Make Peace with All of it”


I REALLY want the Peace of God above all else, above all of my projections.  This is what I  desire above all fears.   Holy Spirit..Help me to  Awake from this really scarey dream… and and allow Me to See, this ‘wake up’, is into the Arms of God.

BUT ONLY IF I TRUST GOD for all my needs… Not just the ones I release as my ‘spiritual ego decides’… And this looks often look like, asking  ‘those in the dream’ ‘What Should I do?” lolo… My Guidance comes from God Only.


No the only thing I NEED is to HEAR God say… ‘Honey it is time to wake up Now, You are so Loved. Face Your resistance. And that is in ‘me’… and ‘me’ to forgive… and me to accept the atonement (correction in ‘thinking’) (done by Holy Spirit… just need me to accept it)… whew…

A Friend… actually a guardian angel (Melissa Chavez), sent me a post by Byron Katie… The story goes, she was visiting a friend who ‘beLIEved’ she had cancer. As she was leaving… this woman with apparent cancer said, “I Love You’…

2And Byron said, “No You Don’t’… you project something like ‘anger’, ‘weight loss desires’ or ‘cancer’… You are NOT LOVING!!!”.

Ok… that is one hell of a friend… talk about courageous.

So today we have another ‘Painting Party’…There are five of us. I have already been in a mantra… “It is never about the painting’… ‘What am I feeling?’

And this is what I asked myself at this moment… it is about 2am… and I can Feel ‘my fear’. It is not about the painting, the heat, or the apparent disagreements as to how the ‘painting should be done’. It is about ‘building a ‘thinking skill’… How to Love in the apparent Sun, heat, while apparently painting with Others. AND how I do this is to See Fear of sun, heat, and any Other unpleasantries I might feel. Take them All to God and again ask… to See these differently.

So this second painting party had a lot more Joy in it…People were Clearing whatever ‘they’ were Clearing… I was ‘Clearing’ my stuff… and We Laughed a lot more… we found ways to Join in de Light.

And isn’t this a valuable skill… to Be in Love… ‘while ‘doing’ in the illusion.images-15

So ‘this bunny gazing’ appears to ‘be working’… lololololololo… Big Hug!






1 thought on “Monastery Diary – Six – It’s never about the painting…

  1. This morning I took my husband to the bus stop very early and on the way home, as I turned onto my street, I saw two brown bunnies on the side of the road and one of them ran right in front of me. I hit the brakes hoping not to hit it, and it scampered in the yard across the street. When I got home, I looked up the dream symbol meaning for bunny and it was: luck, magical power and success!

    Liked by 1 person

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