Monastery Diary – seven – Connecting the ACIM Dots

10704127_10152742956533064_9143417023387819750_n Funny… I woke up my hands on my belly… holding the apparent tumor that appeared real… “Enter the Dead Zone” played across my mind…

One of the last pieces of magic that I have held onto is my Aloe Laxative. My beLIEf that ‘my bowels’ could not function within; without ‘outside’ assistance… either massive greens or laxative…

So here at the Monastery… I turned ‘my diet’ over to the care of the ‘Steward’ of the Monastery. God does not care what I eat. God is never concerned with the state of my bowels… God waits patiently for me to turn ‘my mind’ over to Love. Deal with your anger, ‘My Sweet Sweating Buddha’ (God’s new name for me!!!… I complained about being sweaty…lol)

Tamra, my Living Monestary Steward, relieved me of my need to ‘consider any of my ‘life support ideas’… I ate whatever was made, and was Completely content… My bowels appeared to lag behind my ‘thinking’… So I took a laxative with God.. And as I ‘fed’ the ‘dead zone’… I heard God… What are you ‘stuffing’… it is Blocking MY LIGHT!

Then this shows up from the Master Teacher… and I Got it.

 

How strange that the conception and practice of so-called 
good nutrition insures the inevitability of your becoming sick. 
Remedy describes sickness and establishes its reality. You can 
no more be partially healed than you can be partially anything.

If sickness is real there is no remedy. Master Teacher

 

I took my bowels, laxative, and all my concerns to God to See Differently. That evening during our ‘Expression Session’ at the Monastery…

I RAGED.

I SCREAMED.

 

I was actually ‘angry at somebody and something’… and that really did not matter… The point I needed to See… ‘I’ Was Angry! ‘I’ Let it ALL OUT. I refused to be separate from My Love any longer. God Wants Me… God NEEDS ME.

12243143_425777504278832_4431656523254029455_nMary… My Guardian Love Sister Angel… said the Truth… in the face of ‘one angry bitch’… “Who would Calico be without her stories of cancer or foreclosure?”…

She ‘called me on my error’… and for that moment, I wanted ‘to kill her off’, ‘make her wrong’… I corrected that error immediately…

She Shared today… and I so ADORE HER!!!… She said it the best… I am finally ‘Connecting the ACIM Dots’. ACIM makes Complete Sense to the Awakened Mind. The only time acim is ‘confusing’ or needs more ‘study’, is when I am letting my insanity run the show somewhere. That is when I MUST go to God to See differently!!!!

So the circumstances I was angry ‘about’… was the gift I gave myself. I projected ‘something’ to get angry about… That very anger was my forgiveness opportunity. Not the somebody or something that appeared to trigger it!!!!

I so saw all the prompts throughout my life that ‘showed my anger’… A ‘head cold’ here, a ‘foreclosure’ there, and the many ways I attempted to deal with all of it… ‘without asking God.’

God is not concerned with anything in this Dream. It is ALL for ‘me to wake up with’… just my opportunity to ‘wake up’

My Truth, I projected cancer. I created cancer. And what I am sosososososo SEEING… Any ‘health related concern’ is held in place by my anger (fear). Either in myself or if I see it in another. Anger separates me from Love. Anger creates ‘suffering’ in one way or another.

And With Being ‘a doctor’, I took an oath. An oath that states: First Do No Harm. And this was an oath to ego. To Honor Error.   ‘Be quiet’ in the face of error. Be quiet in the face of suffering.

Fix it, change it, or refer them to somebody else that can fix them or alter them. When the Truth… it is an error in ‘THINKING’… this can Never be fixed ‘good enough’.

Now in the illusion, it is like playing a card game…sometimes I win…sometimes I loose. Scientific method is like that!… Never can anything (treatments) be replicated 100%. Why… because ‘Healing occurs in Mind’. So that ‘perfect diet’… will help some of the people some of the time… and not others.

So back to the ‘oath’ I took (and paid so dearly for…lolol), what I so get… is I am incapable of harming another.

My Only Responsibility is to ‘Tell the Truth’ of when I am in fear. And this shows up in feelings like anger, confusion, resentment, jealousy, ect. These feelings are lies… that separate me from being the Love of God… the Innocent child. And when I don’t see my Innocence… I am incapable of SEEING Your Innocence…

I am just making everybody/thing wrong in ‘my head’… and that is not God… the problem… I need to be honest about this… I AM RIGHT AND YOU ARE WRONG…that is truth according to Calico’s ego. I have been ‘willing to be wrong this trip’… there is so much more I hope to explore in these areas… coming back and Joining appears to be my path…

What am ‘I’ really thinking? All I need to do is be honest. Tell the truth… Instead.. I more often say, … ‘I have ‘hope’that perhaps there is a ‘cure’ in stem cells’, or ‘perhaps ‘they’ have an answer for this cancer now.’, or ‘I did not eat the last cookie’.   Then ‘suffering’ takes hold and the ego’s cascade of pain begins…

13522051_10154278939622905_2665639283729226337_nSo the skills of the Love Warrior is to really allow ourselves ‘to be wrong’… to throw our hats over the ‘fear wall’… and ask God…

Show Me,

Teach Me

Guide Me…

 

and so Much More Will be revealed!

 

 

 

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