So the ‘silent’ retreat continues… It is funny… ‘silence’ is used to go deeper here at the Monastery… and I have been having some ‘outgasing’ over the recent ‘release of stuff’ at the yard sale… ‘Outgasing’ is a term I use for ‘debriefing’ my self With God. Clearing the apparent ‘backlog’ of emotional ties to anything I let go of that appears to have been ‘special’.

Lots of apparent pain with letting go of ‘special things’… friends, animals, homes, careers, stuff… the list ‘appears’ endless… and yet the Clearing is all the same… I want NOTHING to stand in the way of Being an Extension of God’s Love… and since I can NEVER serve two masters… ex. Love of special things… vs. Love of God… Special things occur to me now as Veils to Hearing and Experiencing the Bliss of God. So I am Clearing here at the ‘silent retreat’… ‘my thoughts of letting go of all veils that stand between Me and God’…

Bouts of tears periodically come flooding forth… and I ask God… Why do I Grieve letting go of what kept me separate from You?

And God gave me One Hell of a Whopper… I Project Special Things to SEE How Beauty Full I AM!!! … omg… My projection of ‘Beauty and Love’… in the horizontal are ALL MY PROJECTIONS.

With the foreclosure…and cancer… I got my ‘icky’ projections… I Learned the process of Asking for Holy Spirits guidance in Seeing Every Thing Differently… and with ‘icky’ things… this is so very easy at this moment. But the ‘stuff’ I ‘loved’ with ego specialness… now there appears to be the ‘rub’… I have these thoughts that if I let go of ‘love’ in any form… I will be ‘sacrificing’…omg… what a narly mess of ‘thoughts’.

So this part of ‘dropping’ away All Special things… felt counter intuitive. God You Want Me to Be Happy… don’t you? Why would you have me release the good and happy bits… my dogs… my comfie home… my career that brings in income… My Dear and Long time friends… all of those special maybe… albeit…loving things…

And God said…. Your Projections of what brings you happiness in the horizontal is nothing but you projecting a dream of happy. Your illusions (projections) are nothing but your desire to become One… and we KNOW the ‘desire to be happy’… is a small minded idea… ‘desiring’ anything keeps you out of the present! YOU ARE LOVE… AND BLISS IS YOUR BIRTHRIGHT… YOU JUST FORGOT!

So the release of all ‘things special’… drops ALL VEILS that prevent You from BEING LOVE. The One With God LOVE that YOU ARE.

So I Experienced the COST of Special Love… and if you feel you have a ‘holy relationship’… test this by ‘giving it up’… does it cause discomfort or concern?… Then it is NOT a HOLY Relationship.

This conversation continues with God… Know that God is instructing me on how to Love ‘things and people’ and NOT make them ‘special’… and the reality… giving away all the last of the special somethings… gave me Great Heart Ache… so I Know that I am still in a process of Learning about Holy Relationships…

For Now… I am in such a state of Peace just Knowing I have a deep connection to the Voice for Truth… and God is guiding me through the ‘hell of my own making’… lolololo…. And surprising enough….. I am Laughing MORE… and in Ecstasy Often….(in between tears of apparent loss)… This is One Wild ride, As I continue to explore ‘my life’ though the process defined in a Course in Miracles…

Wrapped in a Silent hug with God! Joining in Peace for this Moment…