I Am the Loaves and Fishes

Moving into a Community of A Course in Miracle students has been the Gift of a lifetime. There has been so much Growth in such an apparent short period of time. Joining is Trust. Joining is the key to Awakening.

I have ‘joined’ my entire life, over some illusionary ideal. It started with the Peace Movement that occurred during the Vietnam War. Make Love Not War… and as ego would have it, the emphasis was on ‘Not War’…lolol… And this just moved forward as it needed to.

imagesJoining with others in ‘agreement’. Save the whales, stop Monsanto, be a vegetarian, and the list goes on. I Lived ‘Be All You Can Be’… while always seeing my self and my life as not enough, something had to change.

So this recently came to a head. And it occurred as a pimple just under the surface. You know… the ones that Hurt like Hell… just before exploding and giving relief.

I had my last investment in the horizontal for sale. A House. In a community I Loved and have loved for 35 years. And neither the house or the community lived up to my ‘Ideal’ of LOVE, no exceptions.

And with an offer on this last investment, I had the ‘thought’… ‘it is just not enough’…I was up a couple of nights on this one… Going back and forth… seeing offers… making counter offers. In my mind… ‘it is not enough’.

Then thoughts would pour forth from this one thought… it is my last investment, there is no more, I can’t work and make more, I will die homeless and alone… omg… the story just went from ‘not enough’ to ultimate annhililation. Me dying an ugly suffering death, probably from cancer, alone in another country with ‘no friends’… I also had no animals to reflect what little scraps of love that I could see left.

LOLOLOL… I was in a Hell of my own making.

And this is just not the last couple of nights… this is my whole conscious life… and probably many other lifetimes.

So last night, I used a prayer… as a mantra…. To See Everything Differently… With the Love of God I would say and repeat:

The Love of God can resolve all seeming difficulties without effort and in sure confidence. Holy Spirit decide for God for me today!

 After Joining with a couple of people in community, and being guided to Truth, I found myself being directed to read some passages from the Urantia Book… along with exploring the parable of ‘Loaves and Fishes’… and several passages in a Course in Miracles. Whew… what a curriculum…

This morning, I so Received the answer to which I was looking.

250b221605bde807fa2b46fb3ae6f076_fish-and-loaves-loaves-and-fishes-clipart-free_360-360The miracle of the Loaves and fishes was in the SEEING. I have lived my life as ‘not enough’… not good enough, not smart enough, not thin enough… just a lot of ‘not enough’ and paradoxically I have also projected myself as ‘too much’… too big, too loud, too visible. . And With Holy Spirit last night… I heard… If you take this offer, (the house offer that I saw as ‘not enough’), you will receive the world. Accept the offer that is being given. Do Not Judge It… for if I do… I will continue being ‘not enough’ or ‘too much’.

So this morning… I sent the email… after really taking on… I am enough… It is enough… There is Plenty, unless I choose to see it as ‘not enough’ or ‘too much’…

images-1I Am Enough… and always have been… there was just a little clarity needed by Holy Spirit… and I celebrate releasing the world… all of it… I am More that Enough… and I Am Love! In so much Gratitude… I release my self from ever thinking, ‘something is wrong’… ‘I must counter’ what is being offered. It is Plenty, as I choose to See It!

Have a Beauty Full Moment, and Thank You for You! For We are but mere reflections of each other! The desire for enough Love, which I Am!

 

3 thoughts on “I Am the Loaves and Fishes

  1. This is brilliant: “…and as ego would have it, the emphasis was on ‘Not War’…lolol” I had never noticed that before! Thanks for pointing it out. And, congratulations on seeing ‘enough’.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You beautifully convey going in and out of “it’s not enough” to finally wanting the blissful peace of “it’s enough!!”. This happens in most of our dealings with this illusory world and people. Thanks for reminding me. Your writing is so unorthodox but uniquely you! I honor you on your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

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