Whew… really looking at all that I hold as idols before God. So as I arise every day saying the same prayer since I commited to going to Tabula Rasa…

“Holy Spirit, decide for God for me today. And bring it on, for I am Willing.”

And this commitment has served me well… I have been in massive mind correction every day.

One of the areas that I appear to be addressing is the wickedly insane desire to ‘feel special’… from my earliest memory… I was Looking for Love. I remember taking my inventory of why people did not love me people and an inventory of what people said they loved about me and ‘I’ would make corrections at the level of form.

Without getting into too many of the details… I now see ‘foreclosure’ and ‘cancer’ as those areas of misdirected searching for love. Now this appears completely insane… and I say… you are completely correct… It is just as insane as ‘anger at the government’… or the ‘desire for more of anything’, or ‘fear of future’, or the many ‘make wrong’ idols I hold.

I get to ‘feel special’ within this delusional movie called ‘calico’… or if you would… the parable of ‘calico’. And what I am going through is this (now familiar) ‘ouch’ period. The part that feels like this scab needs to heal longer… yet I Know… I am just hiding the Light underneath.

A Course in Miracles is the chosen ‘text’ I have been using with more and more ‘happieness’ factor… so … I am Completely Commited to the Application of the material in ACIM.

What this means… I heard it said once… and I giggle whenever I remind my self of it… this is the experiential picture of ACIM Application…

‘ouch…ouch…Ouch…OUCH…AHHHH…………………………….ouch…ouch…Ouch…OUCH….AHHAHHHHHHH………………….(til the last AH)’

 Yet I still find myself projecting you having concerns over ‘Helen’s interpretation’ or ‘somebodies editing’… just mine to forgive… and pray for Peace… and send Light to those still apparently suffering in my projection.

THEN…

I go to God and ask… where am I continuing to suffer, as I am projecting this… then… I usually uncover some level of ‘apparent rattle snakes’ in how I am holding something in my world.

And as I warily reach out to take the snakes… they turn into bunnies. Then this is the Ahhhhhhhh part of the experience.

So my wanting ‘special in this life’, seeing cancer as the way to do this…. Is the ‘rattlesnake’ part of the delusion….lolololol

So I am really going into All the areas of my mind that I judge.

“I think I want to write the Cliff Note Version of A Course in Miracles”…

“wonder how much I could get for that?”…

‘wonder the status of the copyright’…

God is giggling…

‘