In my efforts to ‘save’ my home, I was writing letters and making calls to everybody. The Comptroller of Currency (where banks get their money), politicians, lawyers, Non profits for saving homes, clinics for saving homes, everything but being able to talk to the bank… At this point, the bank had an 800 number to call only. It would be eventually answered by some minimum wage person that was just attempting to earn enough money to pay ‘their’ bills.
There was no way to communicate with anybody other than the person that answered the 800 line. Under no circumstances were we (the public) able to speak to ‘the Underwriters’. They were the next people up the bank food chain from the folks answering the phones. The Underwriters supposedly had some influence and made probably a couple bucks more an hour than the minimum wage employees answering the phones.
I must say, in all of this… the folks answering these big bank 800 numbers are the real heros. They spend 8 hours a day answering ‘angry phone calls”. In my mind, this would be ‘hell on earth’. These poor people are being asked to take on something similar to the Jews that were forced to play music while their friends walked to the gas chambers…
I wrote letters of recommendation to several of the over 50 people I spoke to over the years at the bank. All of them answering “the phones”. Some of these individuals did attempt to ‘help’. I could “feel” their compassion. I Joined with them in their compassion and separated them from my thoughts of the Bank.
My forgiveness was only able to operate within thinking of ‘individuals like me’. As soon as it switched to “Them’… “Big Banks”, ”Evil Empire”, “Fukushima”, “Monsanto”…whatever, I was off and running into victimizing my self (yet again). So I kept it pretty simple at first, I put people’s faces in the place of ‘My Angst”. I did well many times, did, not so well many others. I was in an emotional rodeo with my self.
My apparent choices from my small mind”s point of view, included, Facing (what looked like at the time) the greatest heartbreak I would ever experience or death. Understand that at the time I was not conscious of this, and, suicide would bring up too much shame, so I chose uterine cancer. A cancer in my womb, my home.
Banks and cancer were just my opportunities to See God. Students of ACIM have asked me, “Why did you choose such harsh lessons?”… ‘Harsh mind…Hard Head… I don’t know. All I do know that these situations presented themselves to me by me. I devinely summoned exactly what I was and am needing at any given time to get me back to God. Just different forgiveness opportunities… Same solution… Change My mind about Everything.
My small mind received much agreement on how wrong this was. My God Mind wanted Peace and Love. I could handle becoming Peaceful with the Bank… not so sure about the Love part… So I started off with Making Peace.
And Again, being completely Honest here, I Knew at this point, ‘making peace’, meant, I had to give up the fight…. Another true cliff hanger (picture below!)!! Lolololollolol More will be revealed… xoxoxoxoxoxox