It is 2:00 am. And I am giggling. It is my bewitching hour… It’s God’s time. I wake up… at 2:00 with regularity. And my guidance has always been… get up and write. Most of my life, I called this insomnia. And as a ‘doctor’ in the horizontal, I had many reasons, ‘why’ I didn’t sleep, ranging from caffeine to hormones…I now see the error in this thinking….lolol.. It has always been Holy spirit attempting to get my attention.
Tonight the dreams leading into this 2am wake up call were all about ‘breathing’… Lots of ‘I can’t breath dreams’. Now this appears to be a theme in my night time dream and my day time dream. From having doctors say, “Come back in … in two months and we will tell you where the cancer has spread in your lungs”, to seeing a need for an oxygen tank, allergies, head colds, asthma, all words describing the same thing… a breath focus and an inability to let air in or out.
This night time dream has been a dream of a reoccurring theme in ‘my life’…It is about ‘not being able to breath’ and can often occur as ‘disturbing’. And the Joke to me at this moment… it is only my ‘fear of God’, that keeps these reoccurring dreams occurring. There is nothing to fix.
So tonight was different with this ‘fear’… I allowed the fear to come up. No resistance… Just being with the ‘fear’.
Asking while in the night time dream to See this differently. Now the guidance is Always to ask… Holy Spirit, Help me to see this differently… in whatever night or day dream I find myself in. So that is what I said while still in my night time dream.
So while in this dream, I kept having to sit up and figure out the muscles necessary to breath… standing up, sitting, walking, figuring out how to breath… and realizing that when I allowed myself to ‘relax’, the next breath would be there… deep and easy, no matter of my position…
There was Nothing to do.. (stand, sit, move, don’t move all irrelevant) and then I would fear this process, and go through the whole thing over and over… until 2am… and my guidance… as always, get up and write…
And tonights lesson… Eternal Salvation as that only Inspiration I am needing. As ACIM has told me… I am already Saved. I am innocent, Whole and Complete. Breathing problems are a horizontal situation seeking a solution and God has nothing to do with them, problems or solutions. God Just wants me to be in loving communication. Seems easy enough until ‘my body’ shows up with apparent ‘difficulties’.
Breathing difficulties are my ‘nightmare’. And I am now getting, they are my gift. They are my access to let me know, a fear is surfacing, one that needs my spiritual attendance.
For this nights lesson… I Need to Breath… and the fear… that I may stop breathing. For All FEAR is separation… and all that is needed… to Come Back to God… Go Deeper With God… for that is where Eternal Salvation can be Found Always… and it can be found in Any Moment I want it… DEFINITELY not as a future possibility…lolol… anything I place on a ‘time line’ is an ego decision based on a past and future idea. So it is an interesting way to look at all the ‘healing modalities ‘out there’… all future based ways to fix something!
And right now, this fear is, ‘Where am I not Trusting God?’.
“Trust is the cornerstone of Awakening” —David Hoffmeister
Tonight, the Trust is, “I am exactly where I need to be, and everything is Perfect”… living the experiences that I Need to Experience and allowing it to all be perfect.
And my resistance to anything… when I want to change or alter anything … is the very resistance I have to STOP. And how I do that… Giving it all to God to handle… and all I need to do is ‘relax’ into ‘my fear’ and ask to See it through the eyes of Love, of God.
And as I relax into this ‘f-e-a-r’ (future event appearing real… or my personal favorite, f-ck everything and run), my true, eternal nature of ‘me’ is released… or I should say, ‘revealed’. We Are All Innocent… I Am Innocent and all ways Journeying Home.
Whether this journey takes me through a foreclosure, cancer, or angst from a splinter. The Answer is Always the same… Trust God, relax, and ask to See this differently. Where am I not trusting God and wanting to blame an ‘outside enemy’. Or in this case, blame ‘my lungs’… And when I see ‘an enemy’, it is actually my gift to see what I am doing to myself. My visual of this ‘blaming thought, ‘me slapping myself’. (loll…just have to giggle)
This lesson is Completely Counter Intuitive. Completely. And yet, I am giving in to all resistance here at the monastery. All Resistance. And this ‘lifetime directive’ appears as Clear as Clear can be.
And my delusional, ego driven ‘inner teacher’ would have me believe, to Join with ‘others’ that agree with me… be it doctors that agree I have cancer… or to an activist that agrees that something out there is wrong and needs me to sign a petition.
I MUST seek a Teacher that will only Hold the Truth of who I am… and my Earthly Teacher is found in Others Seeking God’s Guidance on their ‘earthly fears’. And the answer for whatever fear is going on… Ask God to See it Differently… Where am I fearing?,,, Where am I not allowing Love to come in?
Omg, this is an amazing path I find my self on… and it really isn’t even ‘a path’… as paths are only based on time… geez… This is one giant rabbit hole that I have entered!!
Have Amazing Moments! To All that aren’t out there!! loll Much Love!!