Have been going to the gym around the corner since October. I started slow and worked Up. I have ‘worked out’ a lot in my ‘herstory’. I was always working out to ‘get somewhere else”. They were included in a whole pack of ‘belLIEfs that I held as true. “Take Care of your body”, Exercise and eat ‘right’.
So the gym proves to be one of my ‘labs’ in experimentation with the Love Conversation. As I chuckle to my self… Imagine… put on 80 – 100 pounds and put your form in a room with mirrors…. Commit to God and Love Only…. Stuff comes up…. Lololololololo
So thank full Bulldog is a gym for normal ‘neutral’ people… And it is Clear to me if I am ‘feeling” any thing but love…. It Is Totally My Projection… my projection of an image on a mirror with a judgment. Whew… Great Lessons in Acceptance of it All and Lovin it…
Now a glitch did come up the past couple of days… My Handsome Latino Trainer, Frank… asked me a question during a wonderfull hour of weights and they were getting heavier. In the past I have always held this as a good thing. He said, “I know you are sweating and groaning now, and Don’t You Feel Great the rest of the day?”
Now this appears as a ‘normal question… begging the ‘correct’ response of “Yes, I feel great”… ‘In the past, I always have felt great after a good workout’. During the past month or so… this question has come up… and always begging the same answer, “Yes, I feel great”. Each time I side step the answer.
I don’t feel great or not great. I feel neutral. And this is not a bad or good thing….Except…
To anybody that has had a death wish (and I am afraid this is ALL of us)… Not being great is seen as wrong.. So now comes the hard to verbalize part..
This death wish immediately took me to… “FUCK, if I am not ‘great’…. I must be doing something wrong (guilt) and I am so Screwed” and immediately with ‘my story’, go to…Shit, if I am not great… I must be ‘not great’… with somebody like me with a story like mine… IT’S CANCER….. I AM GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!
Again I am so entertaining my self with all of this now… I am clear at this point in MY reEDUCATION with God… I am just fine. But the collapse on this happened in seconds. The correction I am so glad to say occurred in seconds. Reiterating for my self… I can access God from ‘neutral’ only… in the ‘Moment of Now’.
The Love of God is soooo much greater than the “great feel after a workout’. And at this point, the ‘great feel’ after a workout occurs as neutral… And then I am completely Left in the Love of God. God is so far beyond Fabulous.
I AM so fine not being great. The Love of God so Outsurpasses our ‘wildest fantasies’ regarding love and greatness…Let My Mind Continues to Fall UP… Much Love…. xoxoxoxo
what did you answer him, then,my sweet Calico? 🙂
Forgot to go into that in the blog!!! I explained to him that I made ‘how my workouts went’ either ‘good/great’ or ‘not so good/great’ and both are sourced from ego… so for now… I need to just be OK with just enjoying the workout… for with the “I Feel Great”… I then go into some ego corner and think…”if I feel good now… I will feel even ‘better’ with ‘more’ exercise’.. OR ” I don’t feel great” and I ‘need to workout more’ to get back to ‘great’ and both of those ‘thoughts’ are major dead ends for me… so for right now… I am ‘injoying’ the workout… and I have NO EXPECTATIONS… “Great” sets me up for expectation of “More Greatness” and that is my personal insanity that I am attempting to skate around! He understands from where he understands!! Thanks for Asking this question!!!! xoxoxox
Reblogged this on Calico UnEdited.