Have been going to the gym around the corner since October. I started slow and worked Up. I have ‘worked out’ a lot in my ‘herstory’. I was always working out to ‘get somewhere else”. They were included in a whole pack of ‘belLIEfs that I held as true. “Take Care of your body”, Exercise and eat ‘right’.
So the gym proves to be one of my ‘labs’ in experimentation with the Love Conversation. As I chuckle to my self… Imagine… put on 80 – 100 pounds and put your form in a room with mirrors…. Commit to God and Love Only…. Stuff comes up…. Lololololololo
So thank full Bulldog is a gym for normal ‘neutral’ people… And it is Clear to me if I am ‘feeling” any thing but love…. It Is Totally My Projection… my projection of an image on a mirror with a judgment. Whew… Great Lessons in Acceptance of it All and Lovin it…
Now a glitch did come up the past couple of days… My Handsome Latino Trainer, Frank… asked me a question during a wonderfull hour of weights and they were getting heavier. In the past I have always held this as a good thing. He said, “I know you are sweating and groaning now, and Don’t You Feel Great the rest of the day?”
Now this appears as a ‘normal question… begging the ‘correct’ response of “Yes, I feel great”… ‘In the past, I always have felt great after a good workout’. During the past month or so… this question has come up… and always begging the same answer, “Yes, I feel great”. Each time I side step the answer.
I don’t feel great or not great. I feel neutral. And this is not a bad or good thing….Except…
To anybody that has had a death wish (and I am afraid this is ALL of us)… Not being great is seen as wrong.. So now comes the hard to verbalize part..
This death wish immediately took me to… “FUCK, if I am not ‘great’…. I must be doing something wrong (guilt) and I am so Screwed” and immediately with ‘my story’, go to…Shit, if I am not great… I must be ‘not great’… with somebody like me with a story like mine… IT’S CANCER….. I AM GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!
Again I am so entertaining my self with all of this now… I am clear at this point in MY reEDUCATION with God… I am just fine. But the collapse on this happened in seconds. The correction I am so glad to say occurred in seconds. Reiterating for my self… I can access God from ‘neutral’ only… in the ‘Moment of Now’.
The Love of God is soooo much greater than the “great feel after a workout’. And at this point, the ‘great feel’ after a workout occurs as neutral… And then I am completely Left in the Love of God. God is so far beyond Fabulous.
I AM so fine not being great. The Love of God so Outsurpasses our ‘wildest fantasies’ regarding love and greatness…Let My Mind Continues to Fall UP… Much Love…. xoxoxoxo